Our so-called Fall

Have you ever met a person who has really favored a season other than Fall? It's always Fall! It's beautiful, the colors change, the temperature is lovely, it's a nice respite from the Summer.We prefer it, and we all feel so special for it. I think that's pretty cute.

After a dry, hot summer (our average was in the high 90s) that spanned late April to early October, I was hoping for some kind of a beautiful Fall payoff. You know, something wet, breezy, chilly, and as Lisa would say, "Crisp." Instead, the dryness caused a lot of the trees to jump ship early on, and though a few of them are waiting for the grand finale, it feels like we're on our way into Winter already. Which i'm sure will be cold, dry, dark, and windy. Welcome to life in the Valley of the Midwest.

Changes are afoot here in the Dexfield household. I started a second part-time job, which means that my days are super-structured for me: Breakfast, work, class, work, time with Lisa, then homework, sleep. And that's it. Lisa's been with Soren a bit more as a result, and i think all three of us just miss each other a lot. I told Soren that i was going to work this morning. His reply: "Soren- work! Okay!!" He grabbed my hand and walked towards the door with me. I wish i could have taken him to work with me. I miss that guy, even if he still doesn't sleep well.

And, as an aside, the Terrible Twos (i prefer the term "Two-berty") aren't really as terrible as parents warned. We had a really rough patch for a bit, but once you figure that Soren had 8 different teeth pushing through his gums that was disrupting his sleep and eating, you have a lot more compassion. Heck, any adult who was getting new teeth splitting through their gums would be a bit cranky, too. I actually think that Soren tries to be nicer than most adults I know.

With the end of school in sight, we are weighing the possibility of moving back to the West coast. We just don't know where, or how. I guess these things have a way of working out, but after being out here for almost five years, I feel very timid about being back on the left coast. How will we make enough money? Can we be near family?  Is it possible for anyone to find a job right now (unemployment rate here is close to 25%)?
What is most important to us, after all?

The idea of moving has been a very exciting prospect for us. We've been here for a long time, and i can't say in all honesty that it feels like home, on any level. We've tried really, really hard for a really, really long time. We've had some very happy moments and I've had some extremely sad moments since I've been in Cincy. But when i think of my Grandma, when I think of the Pacific, when i think of Pinecrest and Yosemite, when I think of my friends of the last decade... my heart is not here in the Midwest.

This Fall has felt especially dry-- not the usually windy, rainy, brisk season we were hoping for. Lisa and I will have one long date this weekend (our first in two months! Ai ya...) and get to look out over the blanket of changing trees, enjoying one quiet moment before we burrow into the long Winter. In a way, maybe it's just a confirmation that life is not sentimental, and sometimes a few tough years will really just give you a boot in the pants on the way out the door, just to add insult to injury.
I've learned to see humor in suffering-- it makes it a lot more tolerable. That notion feels very buddhist to me.

I hope everyone is enjoying their fall, enjoying their families, and eating well! Bring on the pumpkins!