Trinity Sunday Surprise

Lisa had about 4 hours of interrupted sleep when our new favorite nurse Theresa came in to check the baby's heartrate. There was a bit of decelerations over the night, so they wanted to perform a Stress Test, to see how the baby would do during contractions. It went so poorly that the staff felt it best to perform a c-section. We were visibly shaken up, and the staff was really gentle and patient with explaining the whole procedure to us, and for the timing of this decision.

We were told that there would be minimal risks of brain damage, but that at 31 weeks, he would be able to survive quite well. We must have looked petrified, because he told us, "Really, you have nothing to worry about." I felt a prayer of thanks that the staff this morning was not the uninspiring group that was "helping" us the night before.

Just like that, the room started to fold up into itself. Lisa was getting prepped, i was packing up our things, shoving food into my mouth (so that i wouldn't pass out during surgery), and trying to fathom what was about to happen, 9 weeks before we were expecting it. As they rushed Lisa out the door, i managed to just touch her head on the way out.



Then I was instructed to wait for a half hour. I sat in a "bunny suit" feeling like i was suddenly thrown into a movie plot.

In the OR, Lisa had been given a spinal anesthesia, and had a tarp hiding her body from the neck down. At least six surgeon staff were surrounding her, with six pediatric staff waiting. I sat right by Lisa and stroked her forehead while the doctors pulled her to and fro. She said that she never felt pain, but pressure and tugging (especially when they started pushing his legs at her ribs). They alerted me right before they pulled him out, so i got to stand up, tune out the zombie torso, and see this otherwordly gray fox emerge from her belly. He was crying and alive, and i felt my whole body grow quiet in respect.

They wiped him off, bundled him up, took vitals and whisked him off. Lisa got to touch him on the forehead on his way out, and the look on her face was wonderful. I sat with her while they were stitching her up. Something about the doctor's casual demeanor with his bloody white gloves made me feel nauseous for the first time, but to my extreme credit, i held everything in okay (i get squeamish, thank you).




Lisa went to the recovery room and i was able to go see our baby. I don't know if i could put the feeling into words, but i felt like i was walking into something wonderful. I walked into the NICU and spotted him right away. He was in an incubator, and looked so untouched, even though he was hooked up to so many wires. What can people say about new babies that doesn't sound like a cliche? They just feel like a new shower, or the way grass smells after it rains. They feel like they are still part spirit, as opposed to us being earthly humans. We all grow old and experienced, and new babies are the exact opposite of the aging process of life.



I remember when i touched him that i felt like i was touching the face of God. I spent nearly 2 hours just looking at him with my hands on his back and head.

Lisa was actually in really good shape, and she took a great nap with a beautiful smile on her face. She didn't get to see her baby until late that night, but it was just as amazing to see him again with her. How do parents began to love their kids? It's so weird how it sneaks up on you. We both talked about how we realized just this last week how much we loved this kid who we had never even met. And then to see him in front of us was too beautiful.




I remember one moment where i was looking out the window. It was slightly overcast with huge, billowing clouds and clear blue sky. It was so perfect that it made me laugh.